• small

    Date: 2011.01.15 | Category: faith, parenting | Tags: ,,,,,

    When JT was a baby he was a tank.  I mean that boy was HUGE!  He was in the 97th percentile for several months.  So we never thought much about feeding him.  He always seemed to get enough- even during that time of transition from breast feeding to solids.  We offered him healthy choices, he ate what he wanted, and that was that.

    Kate has always been petite.  I mean tiny.  As in 17th percentile at her 6 month check.  As in she’s still wearing size 1 diapers at almost a year.  And while she’s always been an enthusiastic breast feeder, she has refused to take any liquids from any other source.  Bottle?  “No thanks.”  Sippy cup?  “Not right now.”  Breast milk, water, juice?  “I’d rather not.”  We haven’t let this worry us too much since she’s happy to eat solid foods.  In fact she loves to feed herself and prefers table food to baby food.  The girl will out eat JT when she’s in the mood- it’s not uncommon for her to finish his leftovers!

    So imagine my surprise when I brought her in to the pediatrician last week for the croup and they told me she’s fallen off the charts for her weight.  She’s 11 months old and 16 pounds 2.3 ounces.

    I don’t tend to be a guilty parent.  Guilt doesn’t serve much purpose, and I’ve never been one to wallow in it.

    But I knew she was tiny.  Why hadn’t I been encouraging her to eat more?  Why have I been so relaxed about ensuring that she has 3-4 meals a day in addition to breast feeding? (Because she rarely acts hungry and is such a good eater.)

    When she was 9 months I debated with myself about bringing her in for a weight check, just to be sure she was still within the healthy range.  And I talked myself out of it. (Because she is growing out of her clothes and has moved up a size since she was six months old.)

    This one has thrown me for a loop.  Perhaps it’s due to other circumstances in my life right now, but this is really bugging me.  How could I not have noticed that she’s too small?  What kind of a parent doesn’t feed her kid enough?

    I know I’m overreacting.

    I know that she’s happy and healthy and growing- even if ever so slowly.

    I know that our pediatrician will have good advice for me when I see her next week.

    So I’ve been praying for God’s peace and wisdom in this matter.

    I actually suspect that God is using this challenge to remind me to stop being so reliant on my own strength and to be more dependent on His.

    I am learning to listen more closely to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.  Perhaps this is a lesson in listening.

    I am trying to be more in touch with God’s plans for me and less tightly attached to my own plans.  Perhaps this is a reminder to let go of the things I think I know.

    I am desiring to be more grace filled and compassionate for those around me.  Perhaps this is showing me my own fallibility, that I might have more sympathy for the mistakes of others.

    Or maybe I’m overthinking the whole thing and Kate is just petite.

    It’s possible.

    (Kate and her Auntie Susan)